Stressed

The day started out fine, well, I lack sleep but was excited to meet with one of my close friends- Gail. And so we went to their house, and oh boy, Ani is still the most adorable 2 yrs old I met, among my friends's babies. It brought happiness and sadness to me. I have that thought again of when I can have a baby, of course, they asked that question again to me. When? I don't even know! I wish I know, really. But when we get to the tsismis part, all ears! Yea, I forgot about being sad of not having a baby.

At the office, you know that feeling when you hear your spine cracked and your neck stiffened. And you feel the rush of blood getting through your face. I took a moment, I replied to the email and breathe deeply. It was my friend, she asked appointment from me. I had so many thoughts running in my mind. Eventually we talked, she blow it immediately. What i was not able to tolerate was when she cried. "I am not happy anymore". that broke my heart. I can't help but sympathized, no, empathy was not enough. It was hard because of our relationship. Thank God I was ablt to get my composure again and asked her some crucial information that I need as a leader, as an employee and as a person. I ended the day with a ton of burden on my shoulder. How am I going to go from here? What are the things that will make a difference? Have I been so strict to them? Did I push them too much? I talked to the other members of the team, I got different views and they don't see me like 'too much'. So maybe, I lost the touch of treating them in a personal way. I was harsh, maybe.

I need to be alone. I need to think. I need to de-stress. How to de-stress? I don't even know. First thing that comes to my mind is always spa. For few hours, or maybe for a day or two, it helps but not really addressing my prob. Now, i have to list the things that gives me stress. 

1. My payables. Credit card.
2. My dream house.
3. Work environment:- 

There are just things that cannot be explain. Things that you just know it's there, but you cannot find a better explanation. Maybe, it's myself. Maybe, it's the environment. Maybe, I need a support group.